It’s All Just Pretend

I pretend to be friendly, so that they’ll like me. I can make a lot of friends. I can work together with them. But no one who becomes my true friend. I can’t be myself when I’m with them. I have to pretend that I like something that I dislike actually, just for getting along with them, so that they’ll accept me. So, every time I will do or say something, I have to rethink first. I just can’t let them know my true face. I just worry if they found it, they’ll ignore me. Cause there’s too much bad things in me.

I pretend to smile when I meet some friends, with my bright smile, so that they will smile back at me. Make me feel that they know my appearance, make me feel that they don’t ignore me. It’s mean that they still regard me as their friend. But sometime I didn’t like to chat with them. I didn’t like to make some joke with them.

I pretend enjoy have some fun with them. I try to make them comfort with my appearance. So they will not feel disturbed. I try to act not being bored, so they’d like to chat with me. To make a lot of friends, so I’ll not fell all alone.

That’s all just pretending. I can’t really do that all with my whole heart. I can’t really want do that all. Why I can just show who I am. Why I can just let them accept me the way I am. In this world, why there’s always something to be pretending just for something else reason. Why they don’t put their heart into doing it. Why every people can’t always to be honest. But as long as it can make them happy, I’d like to do that. I hope everything that I’m pretending, someday I can do it with my whole heart. ‘Cause I know we can’t live by ourselves. ‘Cause my life is nothing without them.